about this at one point as well, but in case you learned it the way I learned about cosine curves and electronic spectroscopy (that is to say I remember the terms vaguely and the concepts not at all!) then let me refresh your memory. 
Let me explain. As a mother of two I have found that there is an extremely high opportunity cost for any activity that does not involve directly monitoring my children’s actions. For example, if I choose to do my hair, I must then later scrub the crayon markings off the bottom three feet of every wall. If I choose to type on the computer or check my email, then later I will need to plunge the toilet in an effort to dislodge the partially disintegrated roll of toilet paper that has been stuffed there. Once I actually took the time to put Russell’s shirts on hangers (as opposed to taking them from the dryer and plopping them into a basket where they could then sit until he’d worn them all.) Never again! That was a huge mistake. The whole house was in disarray. Not that Brielle is always destructive; sometimes she lets her creative side shine through. A few weeks ago, after a four minute bathroom break, I found an empty bag on the floor. The bag had previously contained 300 multi-color bendy straws. To this day I’m still finding straws in the most unusual of places! So basically, the opportunity cost for ten minutes of time to myself is anywhere from 30-60 minutes of cleaning up after my two year old. And that’s just on a good day.
Lest you think I jest, or even in the slightest bit exaggerate, let me describe this morning. Hyrum wakes up first and after feeding him we smile and coo at each other for a few minutes until I hear shouts of “Morning, morning, MORNING!!!” from Brielle’s room. Once I get her down from her crib she loads up her shopping cart with her favorite toys and wheels them out to the living room, where she then attempts to disassemble the DVD player using a plastic lemon and a butter knife. As a compromise I stick in A Bug’s Life for her to watch. She spends a relatively peaceful ten minutes watching the cartoon while I unload the dishwasher and then it’s time for breakfast. Normally I do the dishes or clean something in the kitchen when Brielle eats so that I can keep an eye on her, but this day was special, the kitchen was clean, so I did the children’s laundry. I returned to find Brielle just finishing what appeared to be some toddler ritual which involved smooshing her muffin to teeny tiny crumbs, dousing them all with water, and then flinging handfuls in every direction. I clean up Brielle and remove all leftover ammunition, and then tackle the floor. When it’s all cleaned up, I let Brielle get down and start preparing Hyrum for his nap. Unfortunately this involves leaving Brielle alone again. Once Hyrum is down I close his door and…..my car alarm starts blaring right outside the window where Hyrum is sleeping. I ran and took my keys away from Brielle and tried in vain to turn off the car alarm (it can be turned ON through the walls of the house, but not off apparently), then I run outside in my pajamas to turn it off and came back in to find Hyrum screaming and Brielle sitting on the floor beside the fridge unwrapping some rib-eye steaks. Apparently she had started this task before rummaging through my purse for the car keys. So then I have to disinfect her and everything she may have touched, and quickly while Hyrum screams himself hoarse, then go take care of the baby and get him calmed down and back to sleep.
Once Hyrum is sleeping it is my only chance for a shower. Usually Brielle showers with me, and the reasons are three-fold: 1. if she is showering with me then she isn’t getting into anything else, 2. if I let her roam free, besides messing up the house, she will also wake up Hyrum (not by accident but as a matter of principle), and 3. she is often covered with chocolate, dirt, or playdough and is generally in need of washing. However this particular day we have a long debate over the prudence of bringing all of Brielle’s toys and dolls into the shower with us. In the end we agree that Brielle will not be showering today. I get her up in her high chair to color (hoping to contain her for five minutes whilst I shower) and then the phone rings. Once I finish telling the relief society president to come visit at 3 pm the next day and not at 10 am because at 10 I’ll still be running around half dressed trying to get everybody bathed and ready for the day, I notice that Brielle is done coloring. I realize this because every crayon, marker and colored pencil is on the ground. Except for one, with which she is coloring her face. We pick them up (so that they can’t be used while I shower) and then Hyrum is awake. I’m pretty serious about getting my shower, so I stick Hyrum in the Johnny-jump-up in the bathroom doorway and quickly get in. Within 30 seconds Brielle is standing on top of the toilet ripping off her clothes to get in as well, she has decided to bring only one toy, a ball the size of a soccer ball. Sticking her in the tub with me is a much better alternative than letting her crash Hyrum’s Johnny-jump-up into the door frame repeatedly, so in she comes.
Once in, Brielle insists that I stand out of the way of the water so that she can hold her ball directly under the shower spray. I let her ball enjoy the water while she and I shiver at the end of the tub for a few minutes, then I move her out of the way, ignore the screaming, and shower as quickly as possible. After drying and dressing Brielle and putting Hyrum on the living room floor with some baby toys, I run back to my closet to find something other than a towel to wear. 
Within seconds I hear screaming (of course) and I run back half dressed to find Hyrum crying, not because he is hurt but because he is no longer getting chocolate. At least this is what I assume since his face is liberally smeared with chocolate and Brielle is hiding a cookie in between her palms. (Not hiding it WELL since her face, arms, shirt and pants are all covered in melted chocolate and cookie crumbs!) So now instead of finishing my dressing process I clean up Brielle, RE-DRESS her (please note she had been dressed in that outfit for a total of 2 minutes) and clean up Hyrum and the blanket they had been sitting on. Then I feed Hyrum, after which he spits up on me, and while rinsing that off I remember that I need to hand-wash the blouse I wore on Sunday, (also a victim of spit up). I stick it in my bathroom sink and turn the water on, then run back to the living room to stop the screaming once again. Brielle was loving Hyrum a little too much. Once separated Hyrum resumes his happy cooing, but Brielle starts shrieking because I won’t let her feed Hyrum a plastic baby bottle (two year olds aren’t very gentle I’ve found) or have chocolate milk (which she would gladly live on). 
In the end I pick up Hyrum to rescue him and leave Brielle to her screaming. That’s when I remember the water. I run back with Hyrum to find my bathroom sink overflowing and flooding the floor. After mopping it up and hanging the rugs to dry, I find that Brielle has scampered up one pile of boxes to push over the other piles of boxes one by one. (Yes we’ve been here a month and there are still unpacked boxes! Multiple stacks of them no less. We might never unpack them, just stick a few doilies on top and arrange them decoratively.) After a time-out for Brielle and calming a fussy Hyrum, I pick up the toppled boxes and then (finally) finish dressing. (I’ve left out approximately half of the morning’s events for the sake of brevity, but suffice it to say I was not sitting down!)
So there you have it. After a mere four hours we are all dressed and ready for the day.
That’s one hour faster than yesterday!
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